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Browsing Tag: love
Somewhere down Schwedenplatz, there is a Mcdonalds that breaks up the clothing shops and the historic buildings. Actually, there’s two. The golden arches beckon tourists inside, into the comfort of Big Macs and French fries. But this isn’t where you find the magic of Vienna. You have to put your pink headphones in, your sunglasses on, and keep walking. You have to travel between shadowed alleyways that lead into the back of restaurants or small courtyards with fountains and benches. You have to wander into markets and buy what you think is beer, only to pay and realize…
I sit down on the chair at the island, dropping my backpack to the floor beside me. My mom has a newspaper in her hand and we chat about how my day was. She looks down at the paper and then back up at me, her bangs falling into her eyes. “Do you remember JJ?” she asks me. “Of course I do,” I tell her, wondering why she’d ask me a question like that. He was my first real love. He was the first boy I ever said those terrifying words to. I love you. She slides the newspaper…
It wasn’t always about boys. I’m sure at some point, birthdays were great. There wasn’t always a birthday curse. I absolutely believe that the days when my mom baked me a chocolate on chocolate cake and made her German lasagna and there were presents to open and people to thank, that my birthday was happy. I like to think that those days will come back to me, or that I’ll make days like them with my children. I want to believe that my life, my one day each year that’s solely about me, wasn…
I’ve gone through phases in my life trying to decide if I believe in soulmates as this grand scheme of things where you end up with someone that is destined for you to be with forever, or in the sense of Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love and whether they are just supposed to shake you up, show you your true self, and then move on. While I think that there are the latter, and these people are good for your soul in a completely different way, I leaned towards the first idea more. Maybe I watched Serendipity…
On this day, four long years ago, I was bawling like a little girl. It was the day I married my now ex-husband. I was very pregnant, and felt a sense of duty and obligation to get married since I got pregnant out of wedlock. My pregnancy hormones took over and I said, What the hell, and I got married. But, what the pictures didn’t show, was how much I didn’t want it. I stared down at the empty finger that would soon hold a ring. I was used to the bareness, the small freckle…
I’m not usually one with little to say, but I find myself just smiling a lot lately, unable to really form coherent sentences. Perhaps it’s just the magic of the season, or maybe it’s just magic. Whatever the case, I watch movies like Love Actually and Serendipity, and I don’t think they are crazy, I don’t want to throw up, and I actually think to myself: what a beautiful story. I don’t want to speak too soon, because I’ve put faith in people before and have…
He was drunk the first time we met. We were supposed to have a date but he had gone out for his mom’s birthday and accidentally had too much to drink. He was going to cancel but I told him I’d pick him up anyway. This was too good of a story to pass up. I wait for a few minutes outside the restaurant. He’s being slow so I text him and tell him I’m leaving. Literally as soon as I turn the corner, he tells me he’s outside and…
“I just want to feel numb,” I tell her. She stops typing and looks up at me, her eyes kind with worry. “That’s a normal thing to be feeling. You’re going through a lot.” I nod, though it is weak, and take a deep breath. This is only the second time I’ve seen my doctor, Jan*, and I already know she gets it. She wants me to feel better. She prods about other situations in my life and acknowledges them as heavy, heavier than I’ve let on, even…
I am so intoxicated with emotion it is hard to even put into words. Last night, I finally saw Matt. We’d had trouble coordinating so I drove to see him after he got off work. As soon as he opened the door and said “Hey,” I knew I was in trouble. He had just gotten off work so while he took a quick shower, I sat on the living room couch and called Jill freaking out. “Jill, holy crap. He is MUCH hotter than I remember. I’m dying here.” He turned off…
I sometimes wonder if fate and destiny are real things. Then there are times like last night that I can’t help but think that they are. I can’t help but think that the text message I got was sent & received at the exact moment it needed to be. I can’t help but think that this is the universe screaming at me, opening a window, when I was too busy banging on a closed door. That’s exactly what I was doing, too. I was figuratively banging on Ryan’s closed door…
