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Category: Lifestyle

The Day the Music Died

We had prepared for this day, as a family. We knew what was coming. We knew what her wishes were for after. Because, there would be an after – a time when her wishes were all that was left. I held steadfast to the idea that she would outlast the numbers. When she was first diagnosed with stage 3A ovarian cancer, I remember sitting in the cream-colored chair in our living room, my knees pressing into my chest. She was sitting on the couch across the room from me with my dad. “Fifty-five percent,” I said. “If you do…

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Everything is Temporary Until it’s Not

“Everything is temporary until it’s not, to me,” he says to me. I’ve had to squeeze this answer out of him and at first, I’m kind of taken aback. Why would someone go through their life thinking people are just temporary? How do you form attachments like that? And why does this make it okay to treat people like they’re nothing? I’m gone soon after, because I’m not wanted, because I am just temporary to him. And although I wasn’t sure at the time…

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My Professor Resigned, But I’m Afraid of What He’ll Do at His Next School

I have kept quiet for too long. I have felt weak, belittled, and scared – for too long. I refuse to keep my mouth shut about this any longer. I refuse to pretend that I’m okay. I refuse to be quiet when all I want to do is shout. So I’m speaking up, because so many before me didn’t, and so many after me won’t. “You’re the new student? This whole time I thought you were much older,” he tells me when we meet. We are in the entry of a large hotel. There are students…

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The Impact Grief Has on You When You Find Out You’re Pregnant

A week after I found out I was pregnant, I wrote this about my grief during pregnancy. I still have some of these same fears, but I feel less terrified now that I know she’s a girl. It feels like my mom gave me this gift from the beyond. <3 —– They don’t tell you how you’ll feel when life begins again. Grief had taught me many things over the last seven months, but it didn’t teach me how to feel about new life. It didn’t tell me how terrified I’d…

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How Much Would Have Changed?

Often since my mom passed away, I think of the turns in life that didn’t happen the way we expected and I wonder if things would have turned out differently. When we lived in Germany and were getting ready to come back to the States, we were originally headed to California for our next base assignment. My mom sold every piece of winter clothing we had. At the last minute, things changed. We ended up getting stationed at Fort Drum, NY. Obviously, my mom wasn’t thrilled she’d let all our snow suits go. And…

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