He was drunk the first time we met. We were supposed to have a date but he had gone out for his mom’s birthday and accidentally had too much to drink. He was going to cancel but I told him I’d pick him up anyway. This was too good of a story to pass up. I wait for a few minutes outside the restaurant. He’s being slow so I text him and tell him I’m leaving. Literally as soon as I turn the corner, he tells me he’s outside and…