I’ve gone through phases in my life trying to decide if I believe in soulmates as this grand scheme of things where you end up with someone that is destined for you to be with forever, or in the sense of Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love and whether they are just supposed to shake you up, show you your true self, and then move on. While I think that there are the latter, and these people are good for your soul in a completely different way, I leaned towards the first idea more.
Maybe I watched Serendipity one too many times growing up. I mean, come on, Kate Beckinsale was super adorbs with her British accent and who can’t resist John Cusack? It was probably one of the first rom coms that I ever watched that really made me believe in true love. I still watch it at least once a year around Christmas time.
My point is, that when you find this kind of soulmate, someone who lights up your life, who is helpful, and kind, and understanding, you don’t let them go. Some of you may have been lucky enough to find your soulmate the first time around, but I wasn’t that lucky. I went through many boyfriends, a fiance, and even a husband to find him. But, when my “fuck it!” year was coming to an end and I was exhausted with saying yes to all the adventures I’d had, and when I was starting to give up on guys in general because how the hell could I find a decent one with so many fails that year (!?), my now-boyfriend came into my life again like a beacon of hope. Maybe I was seeing in rose-colored glasses, reminiscing on a past where he was my brother’s best friend and I was just the little sister who had a crush on an older boy. But, to my dismay, he saw something in me, something he didn’t want to let go of either.
I truly believe we have to experience a lot of life before we can really settle down and be happy with someone. You have to have your “fuck it year” or, otherwise called, your “year of yes.” You have to travel to faraway lands. You have to date people you wouldn’t normally be interested in. You have to stand on your own two feet. And then, when you’re finally ready, when you’ve learned many, many lessons about life and about yourself, your soulmate will come. And you, my dear, will be ready.
So as I transition into what I believe to be the next chapter in my life, the one where I have this handsome man by my side who is kind and who treats my child with respect and love, I can’t help but reflect back on all those guys who came before and thank them for being so wrong, because if they hadn’t been, I would have never known to appreciate someone who is so right.
And when I watch him throw my son into the air, giggling with glee, I have a moment to myself looking on. The world disappears, and all there is is this amazing man and my beautiful child, and I can’t believe there was life before this. Because this, right in front of my face, is what it feels to have your soul fed in all the right ways. This is what my forever looks like, and man does it look so good.