this is a page for
Browsing Tag: love
When you’re feeling low, even the smallest highs feel like the sun. There’s a boy. And he burns like fire, and his lips melt me. But how do you ever know how they feel? Dating should be easy by now, but it’s not. This is the first time in so long that I’ve only been talking to one person. He makes me feel really good. He makes me feel respected. But the doubts are always there hanging over my head. My insecurities are amplified lately with everything going on with my mom…
It’s been a little while since I updated, for many reasons. I actually started to write the post about Stephen, the Navy boy I crossed paths with in Vienna, but my heart has been elsewhere, and I just haven’t felt up for diving into the life of the girl I was there. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed that feeling of time stopping for two weeks. I miss the feeling of being in another world, being another person. But time starts moving too fast sometimes, and now I’m in NC and…
Sometimes late at night, I write because my mind won’t stop spinning. I enjoy being alone late at night, knowing that people are starting to fall asleep, entering dreams. The world gets quiet, peaceful. The accumulation of the days events swirl in my head and I think to myself, did I do better than yesterday? Did I make any kind of impact on this big, beautiful world? Some days I answer that question better than others. I’ve been both blessed and cursed with a wanderers soul, a gypsy soul. I have trouble staying in one place…
I don’t want to end this story because it was much to beautiful to close the book. But, I have to be a realist sometime. I can’t always be the dreamer. I fell in love with Chris the way that only movies dictate. I didn’t believe it was possible to care so much about a human being that fast. But it is. And even though now we slowly stopped speaking. Even though it may have meant way less to him. I will never look back on my time in Vienna and think that…
The next time I saw Chris, he met up with Rachel and I at 1516 (an expat bar off stephensplatz) after Rachel and I had one too many drinks. To be honest, I don’t think either of us remember getting there. I do, however, remember how amazing those potato wedges with cheese and ranch were. Or maybe I was just drunk and excited about the prospect of ranch in Europe. But I digress… We sit at a small table and talk and laugh and Chris eats some food. When it’s time to leave, Chris…
“I think he really messed me up,” I say, avoiding his eyes. “I didn’t want to say anything but you have. You weren’t like this before him. He did a number on you.” Sometimes, it takes someone reflecting a truth back at you to realize how much it really is true. Sure, I’ve noticed, but until I heard it repeated back at me, I had no idea how big of a difference it was. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not the optimistic girl who thought…
I’ve been reluctant to write about the German. Part of me felt like as soon as I did, then that was it. I’d just be writing a memory. And I didn’t want him to be a memory for everyone to read about. I wanted him to be real. I wanted those days to stay fresh in my head. I wanted them to be a comfort when I was having the constant Vienna withdrawals I’d been having lately. But I can’t keep him in my head forever. He’s…
“Look at me,” he says, his hands gripping onto my cheeks lightly but with force. I raise my gaze and our eyes meet and those baby blues pierce into me sending shivers up my spine, making my back arch. I’ve never been this close with someone. I’ve never felt this connected before. It doesn’t feel real. But, at the same time, it feels more real than anything I’ve known before. My heart is beating quickly. I’m nervous as hell. What if I’m doing it wrong? What…
Sex. It’s such a delicate topic, don’t ya think? Stella is promiscuous and that’s me putting it lightly. Ever met a girl in high school who you just know has slept with the entire football team? You don’t get how she does it because, why do guys all want to sleep with the same girl? But they do anyways because they want the conquest. Well that girl is Stella. Only thing is, she is the one who considers them a conquest. If it wasn’t so trashy, I think I might…
