It’s been a little while since I updated, for many reasons. I actually started to write the post about Stephen, the Navy boy I crossed paths with in Vienna, but my heart has been elsewhere, and I just haven’t felt up for diving into the life of the girl I was there. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed that feeling of time stopping for two weeks. I miss the feeling of being in another world, being another person.
But time starts moving too fast sometimes, and now I’m in NC and my mom is sick again and things just feel flat, and hilly, and mountainous all at the same time. I don’t think it’s possible to feel this many ups and downs in such a short time and feel like I’m still breathing. But I am.
I think in your lows, sometimes things happen that otherwise wouldn’t have. I think you meet people, you form bonds with them, in tough times, and they mean that much more. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe none of this will mean anything at all.
But I feel a sliver of hope. I feel that yearning for the beginning. The leaves will change soon. Maybe it’s time for the next chapter in my life. Maybe it’s time to leave the wrecklessness of my “fuck it” year behind. Maybe it’s time to give into something good, and just see what happens. You can’t find love if you keep closing yourself off to every possibility.
“She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences, she still had hope. Maybe this next time would do the trick. Or maybe not. But unless you stepped into the game, you would never know.