I’m in a rut.

This happens to me every few months. It’s the reason I have taken so long completing this book.

I started this book about three and a half years ago. It may seem like it shouldn’t take very long to write a book. I mean, I know the characters well, I know what I want to accomplish with them. Why is it taking so long?

The answer? I get in ruts. Obnoxious ruts. I spend months not writing. I’ve been pretty good about it this time around. I’ve written pretty much every week since about October, maybe even earlier than that. But before this writing frenzy began, I hadn’t written in months. I get a few months of incessant writing in and then suddenly, I’m stuck. I don’t know where to go in the story. So I step away for a while. I experience new things. I hope and I pray that I’ll find inspiration again. And then I do and I write.

My biggest problem other than getting in ruts? I’m spastic. I can’t for the life of me write from beginning to end. It’s only been on this last writing spree that I’ve forced myself to only write from beginning to end. Before? I wrote random chapters. My favorite chapters. Now? I write from page one to page XYZ. No jumping. I do, however, randomly include my favorite chapters. The problem? Most of them don’t work with the story anymore and are lost on the cutting room floor. It’s a painful process. But it’s unnecessary to make progress.

Right now, I’ve used up all my “favorite” chapters and have to write from almost end to completely end. And I’m in a rut. I know where I’m going. I know how this story ends. But getting to that point is troubling/a hassle/annoying/insert words here. Why can’t it just write itself? Why doesn’t Estella just TELL ME WHAT TO DO ALREADY. C’mon, girl! You have FINALLY decided the course of your actions rather than letting your actions decide your course. Now, tell me what’s up already.

But she’s silent. The room is cold, empty.

She’s upset but empowered. She’s broken but she’s mending.

She wants me to help her. But I can’t.

This rut seems endless.