You’re not my forever.

Suddenly, things become real. You’re the girl who always runs, so you find your reason, and you run. You know this path well, it’s one you’ve traveled many times. You know that he could have been good for you, but you know that he doesn’t want you. You know it deep down to your core that he would rather find someone else, rather keep searching on Tinder or at the bars. You see he’s been doing it and you don’t blame him but it cuts at you. You know that you are not his forever just as much as he knows it. But you had tiny slivers of hope that you could be with someone good. It has been so long since you were with someone good.

But you run. You run fast in the opposite direction, a piece of you hoping he will stop you. But he doesn’t, and you knew that it would be radio silence. You know that you are worth more than that, so you don’t look back. You don’t have time to look back. Your mom is dying. Your world is already crumbling. You must hold steady.

You fall for people who you know you can’t have. You fall for The German because you know he will be an ocean away soon. You fall for the redneck with commitment issues because you know he will break your heart. You fall for the alcoholic because you know eventually he will make you leave. You fall for the player because you know he loves the game and can’t help but play it. You fall for the guy who is emotionally unavailable because you think he won’t hurt you.

You fall for them all because you know you can’t stop dreaming. You fall for them because it’s impossible to find a heart big enough to match your own. You fall for them because the more pain you have, the more you can write. You fall for them because you have to prove to yourself that you are strong.

You are good enough. He could have had you. He should have tried. But, he was not your forever.