Why am I not getting pregnant?

I’ve asked myself this question many times over the last nine months. After having two kids and three pregnancies, all of which were total accidents, how come now, when I’m actually trying, can I not get pregnant?

If you have an idea for what I should try to get pregnant, I promise there’s a very good chance I’ve already tried it. I have been a part of every trying to conceive (TTC) support group on Facebook and tried everything that I can find that made others successful.

Supplements – check.

Fertility massage – check.

Preseed – check.

Fertility herbs – check.

OPKs/BBT daily – check.

Different times/positions/SMEP – check.

Diet changes/exercising – check.

Soft disc – check.

Daily prenatals for me, daily zinc for him – check.

Be less stressed (Is that a joke?) – check (as best I can).

We have already done a sperm kit (all good) and I just recently got my blood drawn to check for hormonal issues this past weekend (waiting on results). My next step depending on what the blood tests say is an HSG which is essentially an x-ray of your lady bits to see if there’s something wrong. Then it’s medication.

So yes, I feel like based on everything, there must be something wrong with me. And I know I shouldn’t feel that way but if not this, what? There is no reason based on my past history that it should be taking this long. I had all these plans based on different holidays how we would tell our family. And now, we don’t get to tell them at Christmas which I desperately hoped for. It also means that Hattie will be three now by the time we have a baby. AT LEAST. That age gap was far wider than I ever wanted.

This also means if we got pregnant next cycle, we’d have two September kids (which isn’t ideal because mama goes all out on birthdays and $$). But I also don’t want to NOT try and miss out.

I’m nervous about my test results. I’m nervous about the possibility of getting an HSG test. I’m nervous that there will be a reason I can’t have another and will have to be content with my two beautiful babies. And while I am super, totally, absolutely in love with the children I do have, I also know that we aren’t done. I know that in my heart, to truly heal from our miscarriage last year, I need another baby. I need to know that I can go through pregnancy successfully again. I need to see my sweet girl as a big sister. I need to witness my son with another sibling because he is so good with his sister. I need to complete our family.

All of this time, I thought getting pregnant was so easy. I feel naive. I am heartbroken it’s not happening. And every time I scroll Facebook and see a pregnant belly or a sweet newborn, I die a little inside. I know how selfish that sounds, but it’s the truth.

Did you struggle to get pregnant? What finally worked for you?