Sick & Tired

When will I learn? When will I stop giving people so much more than they give me? It has got to stop. I am so sick and tired of letting people take advantage of me. I’m tired of giving people a piece of my heart and them stepping on it like it means absolutely nothing to them. I’m sick of useless “friends” who aren’t ever there. I’m sick of dating the wrong guys over and over.

I’m just so fed up. I want to be numb. I want to feel nothing. I thought that maybe if I tried to fall in love again with someone that then I’d feel better. I thought that maybe I could handle life again if I opened myself up to someone. But he stepped back, letting me fall face first to the ground. And then someone from my past comes swooping in and he lets me down too. Maybe he’s telling the truth. But how many times am I supposed to be let down before enough is enough? How many times am I going to believe the fairy tale?

I can’t keep doing this to myself. Maybe I just need to give up dating for a while. Maybe I just need to throw myself into my writing. Maybe I just need to make up my own world, one where I actually understand the characters in it.

I don’t know anything anymore.