I’ve had a very short track record so far with guys this year. I made myself a promise, a resolution, that I would not get a boyfriend in 2015. I’ve done a pretty great job at keeping my distance with all the guys I have dated thus far. I was kind of a one and done girl. No one really made it to date #2. And definitely not date #3. That is, until the Swede.
I’ve always loved other cultures, so it’s not surprising that when Joachim and I went on our first date, I was hooked. The accent is just enough to fall in love with (figuratively). We had great conversation, and I kind of loved the fact that he was nothing like anyone I’d dated before, both in personality and in looks. I mean, I don’t think I’d ever gone on a date with a blonde before. I’ve always been a brunette gal. I couldn’t believe I’d found this dude on Tinder!
At the end of our first date, he didn’t kiss me. I worried that I’d done something wrong, but because I am who I am, I gave him shit for it. He took it well, and joked that he was shy, not that he didn’t want to. This made me feel much better, and honestly, it was a nice change from every guy expecting to get in your pants. Where’s the romance, fellas???
Anyway, we hung out two nights later at a bar off Falls. We sat outside and drank and talked for a couple hours. I opened up to him, telling him about the abuse I’d been through in past relationships, about the shoving, the loud words, the heartbreak. He told me he had always heard stories like this, but they were distance, a friend of a friend, never someone right in front of him. I wondered when he said this, how I didn’t even feel like it was me. I’d heard stories of people getting abused in relationships too, but there was never a connection. He always used to say, “But I never hit you”, with such tenacity that I myself had come to believe that these words meant something. That just because him slamming me into a wall hurt, it didn’t mean that it was abuse because he didn’t hit me. He didn’t leave black eyes. When Joachim said this to me, it was like finally hearing it for the first time, finally acknowledging that it was something horrible. Finally feeling validated for how I’d felt back then, and sometimes even now. It was strange, but comforting to hear those words from him. And the next night when we went on a third date, he jokingly pushed me after he kissed me. It was playful, and I thought nothing of it. But as soon as I got home I had a text from him apologizing. He didn’t even think about it when it happened, but already felt guilty, not wanting me to associate it with what had happened to me. It occurred to me at that moment, that this was a guy I could trust. I’d only known him four days, but somehow I knew that it meant something more.
Maybe nothing will come of us dating. But it’s nice to know that there are still nice guys in the world. It’s nice to know people really do listen to you, and remember.
And a fun side note, he ordered mayonnaise with his fries on our third date. I died laughing. What a European! 🙂