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Category: Lifestyle
I haven’t been honest with people. I’ve put on the brave face and I’ve told everyone I’m fine. I’ve said those words so many times that sometimes I believe them. But the truth is, I’m not fine. None of this is fine. It’s not fine that my mom got MS. It’s not fine that my mom got cancer the first time. It’s not fine that it’s come back. It’s not fine that there’s a really high…
When you’re feeling low, even the smallest highs feel like the sun. There’s a boy. And he burns like fire, and his lips melt me. But how do you ever know how they feel? Dating should be easy by now, but it’s not. This is the first time in so long that I’ve only been talking to one person. He makes me feel really good. He makes me feel respected. But the doubts are always there hanging over my head. My insecurities are amplified lately with everything going on with my mom…
“Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.” — Caitlyn Siehl…
It’s been a little while since I updated, for many reasons. I actually started to write the post about Stephen, the Navy boy I crossed paths with in Vienna, but my heart has been elsewhere, and I just haven’t felt up for diving into the life of the girl I was there. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed that feeling of time stopping for two weeks. I miss the feeling of being in another world, being another person. But time starts moving too fast sometimes, and now I’m in NC and…
The boys of Europe will each warrant their own post. I’m working on it, I promise. Stephen, if you are reading this, you just wait for your day to shine. 🙂 You’ve been warned! As far as the boys (we will call them boys because it still feels weird to say men; am I that grown up?) since Europe (and some previous), there have been a few. None of these really warrant their own post, except maybe Lance, but I plan to leave some things out simply because he shouldn’t have that much “air…
Is this why I came home? Is my mom being sick the reason I couldn’t stay in Vienna? My mind never stops. I can’t shake the German from my mind as much as I can’t shake my mom. These two people have impacted my life more than anyone. How is it possible that I can’t have love and I can’t have happiness? I can’t lose my mom. I just can’t. I think back to Vienna all the time. Why did it move me so much? Why…
Dear readers, It is with such a heavy heart that I reach out to you for your support. This week, my mom was given the news that her ovarian cancer has come back. The prognosis without alternative therapies outside the US is very poor. But we have SO much hope for these alternative therapies that have some really amazing results. The problem? She will need to travel to Mexico or Germany to complete these therapies, and soon! Please, I beg you, if you can give any amount, whether it’s $5 or $500, your contribution would mean the world…
I think when bad news is coming, sometimes your body knows it before you actually hear about it. All day today I’ve been on edge. All day I’ve had this sinking feeling, like the floor would fall out from under me any moment. I’ve lived with anxiety for years and I tried to push it aside but something kept nagging at me. Bad news is coming, it said. You just wait, it said. The feeling was right. I had every reason based on my mom’s appointment yesterday with her heme doctor to…
“Oh come on, I thought you were going to be the fun Katie,” he says to me, pulling my wrist and pushing his body against me, his breath tickling my neck as he speaks. Tim* (*Names have been changed) has been drinking as long as I have, since 9 am and it is now well past midnight, almost one. “Get off of me, Tim,” I say, twisting my arm in a way that doesn’t feel good, trying to relieve myself of his grip, trying to get closer to the door. “Oh stop.”…
Sometimes late at night, I write because my mind won’t stop spinning. I enjoy being alone late at night, knowing that people are starting to fall asleep, entering dreams. The world gets quiet, peaceful. The accumulation of the days events swirl in my head and I think to myself, did I do better than yesterday? Did I make any kind of impact on this big, beautiful world? Some days I answer that question better than others. I’ve been both blessed and cursed with a wanderers soul, a gypsy soul. I have trouble staying in one place…
