“I just want to feel numb,” I tell her. She stops typing and looks up at me, her eyes kind with worry. “That’s a normal thing to be feeling. You’re going through a lot.” I nod, though it is weak, and take a deep breath. This is only the second time I’ve seen my doctor, Jan*, and I already know she gets it. She wants me to feel better. She prods about other situations in my life and acknowledges them as heavy, heavier than I’ve let on, even…
I think when bad news is coming, sometimes your body knows it before you actually hear about it. All day today I’ve been on edge. All day I’ve had this sinking feeling, like the floor would fall out from under me any moment. I’ve lived with anxiety for years and I tried to push it aside but something kept nagging at me. Bad news is coming, it said. You just wait, it said. The feeling was right. I had every reason based on my mom’s appointment yesterday with her heme doctor to…
