My forever.

“If this was my forever, I wouldn’t want to spend it here. ”

― Sarah DessenThe Truth about Forever


One of my favorite books of all time is The Truth about Forever. This quote is something I like to ask myself constantly. I’m always making sure I’m spending my “forever” the way I want to, the way that makes me happy.

I can’t tell you the exact moment that I answered that question as “I wouldn’t want to spend it here” but it was frequent and firm when I did. I’d questioned myself multiple times but I finally said it out loud in May 2013, was given more lies to believe in so I stayed but finally saw those lies fall apart at the end of July 2013 so I shook my head, said enough was enough… and I left.

I don’t regret that decision for a second. 

In a week and a half I will be filing for divorce. It has been the longest year of my life but has also been one of the happiest. I’ve grown closer to friends. I’ve grown closer to my family. I’ve watched my bubbling little baby turn into a little toddler man. And one of the best things from this year to happen? I found love again. Real love. Love that doesn’t hurt. Love that doesn’t push me around when he’s had too much to drink. Love that shows me how to have a mature and healthy relationship. Love that I am so grateful to have found. 

If this was my forever?

Well, I’d definitely want to spend it here.