Fate or Coincidence?

I sometimes wonder if fate and destiny are real things. Then there are times like last night that I can’t help but think that they are. I can’t help but think that the text message I got was sent & received at the exact moment it needed to be. I can’t help but think that this is the universe screaming at me, opening a window, when I was too busy banging on a closed door.

That’s exactly what I was doing, too. I was figuratively banging on Ryan’s closed door, trying to make him see that I was determined and I was loyal, that I’d have held steadfast and stayed and waited. I was trying to tell him that although he was being a real asshole, I couldn’t help but see good in him. And when the conversation was exhausting me so much, because I felt like I’d never break that wall, never make him understand that he had so much and lost it without a blink of an eye, I got: The Text.

In order to talk about The Text, I need to go back in time with you. It has been a long year of dating. Much too long. If you ever go back far enough, you’ll see there’s a gap of writing blogs from January to April/May. That’s because I wasn’t sure yet if I wanted the world to know my dating business. After I realized how cathartic this was, I started writing and those of you who read my blog know a lot more about my dating life. Not all of it, but enough of the significant things.

So let me tell you about Matt. Matt and I met on Match.com at the end of February. This is how you know a guy is serious- when he pays for the dating site (oh first world dating problems!!). Matt was in the military (with a top secret job) and he could literally deploy at a moment’s notice without a word. He was someone the faint of heart couldn’t be with. I don’t scare off easily, so I tried not to think of that and got to know the real him. He was a West coast guy, seemed to have good taste in beer, and was a gentleman. We went on a date to Yard House, then went downtown that night. The date and the rest of the night went perfect. We went to Raleigh times, he ran into some friends. We stood with our hips touching, kissing in the middle of sentences, not giving a rats ass if anyone at the bar noticed. I don’t think we stopped touching the entire night other than the actually sleeping part (he made fun of me because I don’t like to cuddle and my version of “cuddling” is just sleeping in the same bed and not touching). He dropped me off at my car the next morning (he got a hotel and I stayed with him because neither of us were sober enough to drive) and I swear you could literally see the stars in my eyes. I remember thinking: This is it. He’s my next boyfriend.

Cut to me driving down to Fayetteville to see him like the next week or so. We’d been talking the whole week and I just couldn’t wait to see him. We have a really great night but it was short since I had work the next morning. We made a joke about getting killed at the drive thru in Fay since it was past midnight. I expected him to check on me when I got home. Nothing. I texted him the next morning about jokingly not getting murdered. Nothing. I texted him later that night. Nothing. I tried one more the next day. Nothing.

Three texts and no reply after 48 hours, after I drove ALL the way to Fayetteville? It was really unexpected, especially since he had said something to me about not having much time but that he’d make time for the right person. Guess I wasn’t her.

I spent the next month bummed. Okay, maybe not a month but it felt like a while. How do you have such an amazing first date and then he’s just gone? I didn’t get it. I decided to take it as it was: I am not worth liking. But also, he’s an asshole.

So for the last seven or so months, my mind thought that this guy was an asshole. The only other contact I made was once in April and it was a long shot. Little did I know, we had the same problem. He was texting me, and I wasn’t answering. I never got his. He never got mine.

But last night, in the midst of everything with Ryan, Matt texts me. Seven months later! Holy crap! He’s alive! He didn’t actually blow me off! My hands were literally shaking. I called Taralynn immediately freaking out. The timing! Was this the universe telling me that I was banging on that closed door too long? Was this the universe saying to get over Ryan? Was this the universe telling me that I needed all those experiences of dating and falling in love with the German before I could really commit to someone? Was this the universe telling me that the timing was finally right?

Hey. So I have no idea if you still have my number. This is Matt. We had a thing back in March. You sent me a text a few months back and I tried responding but my phone was messed up and I was deployed for half a year. I just got back and I’m in Fayetteville again. How have you been?

I called him out on everything and we talked it out and he basically told me I was his first thought when he found out he was coming back here because he really liked me. Can’t say I wasn’t flattered. I’m a suspicious person so my guard is up a little but I also don’t see the motivation to lie about anything. If he had really blown me off then, why would he bother contacting me now?

So maybe this is fate. Maybe it’s coincidence. Whatever it is, it looks an awful lot like an open window.