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Category: Dealing with Loss
Maybe you would have been a day early like your sister. Maybe you’d be on time like your brother. Maybe you’d be late like your mama. But I’ll never know your story and so I’ll write it for you. June 1st would have been my due date. You would have brought me sunshine in my saddest month. When I got pregnant with you, sweet child, I didn’t know if I could do it. Your due date month was the same month as my mom’s birthday. It was also the same month as the day…
My mom hasn’t been on the earth plane since 2016, but that doesn’t mean that the words people say to me still don’t sting. I’ve heard these 4 phrases more times than I can count. And although they may come from a place of love, they sure aren’t as comforting as one would think. Here’s why. “I’m sorry for your loss” This phrase is one of my biggest pet peeves. No matter who/what was lost, saying “I’m sorry for your loss” puts it back on the person grieving. I feel…
Over the last year, I have been inundated with emails, blog comments, instagram DMs, facebook messages, etc, from women who have lost their moms, moms who have lost their moms, dads who have lost their wives, etc. I have woken up to these messages. I’ve gone to sleep to these messages. I even got one on my birthday. If you’re here, then there’s a good chance you found me from an article I wrote on Motherly. Or, perhaps, you found me googling grieving your mother. Or, maybe you found me for my motherhood and…
I (like most people) have become accustomed to tragedy. I don’t say this lightly. After losing my mom, I have learned that having sadness in my life is always within arms reach. Things will happen. There’s nothing we can do to stop the evil. We just have to keep moving, going, hoping that it stays away for as long as possible. Losing my mom was and is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s something no one can understand until they’ve gone through it –…
I’ve been thinking about what I would say in this post all morning. I’ve always been better about writing my feelings than actually saying them. But some things are just hard, plain and simple. Some days are exhausting. There’s a perfect trifecta in my life now. It’s like the Bermuda triangle for my happiness. First, Mother’s day. Then your birthday. Then, finally, when I finally start to feel a little okay again, there’s the day you left us. Three dates following each other, only a couple of weeks…
Raising a daughter without your mom… An essay about raising a daughter without your mom. I roamed the streets of Dublin in a haze that shifted from confused to mad to heartbroken with every step. When I saw a small bookstore with signs in the window advertising a going-out-of-business sale, everything only 5 euros, I went inside, leaving my emotions on the street. They didn’t belong in such a sacred space. I found a book smeared in shades of lavender, a color my mom painted our downstairs bathroom. It was called “Love’s Last Gift…
Grief is the devil. He’s been around a lot lately, more so than I care to let on. In the shower. On the closet floor when I’m organizing my socks. On the drive to work. In bed late at night. When I spill something. When my son gives me an attitude. When my daughter won’t stop crying. When a thought pops into my head of something I need to ask or tell my mother. Grief is all consuming in the darkness. Grief is a never ending ladder in the light, one I keep climbing…
Grieving the loss of my mom It’s been a little over two months since I lost my mom to cancer. Dealing with my mom dying has been the hardest task I’ve ever faced. When I say the words “I lost my mom” out loud, they don’t seem right, because a lost sock can be found again. This isn’t just a missing sock. This is a huge hole in my gut, which will never, ever go away. Losing a parent means you’ve joined a club with people who understand that just walking out the front…
We had prepared for this day, as a family. We knew what was coming. We knew what her wishes were for after. Because, there would be an after – a time when her wishes were all that was left. I held steadfast to the idea that she would outlast the numbers. When she was first diagnosed with stage 3A ovarian cancer, I remember sitting in the cream-colored chair in our living room, my knees pressing into my chest. She was sitting on the couch across the room from me with my dad. “Fifty-five percent,” I said. “If you do…
A week after I found out I was pregnant, I wrote this about my grief during pregnancy. I still have some of these same fears, but I feel less terrified now that I know she’s a girl. It feels like my mom gave me this gift from the beyond. <3 —– They don’t tell you how you’ll feel when life begins again. Grief had taught me many things over the last seven months, but it didn’t teach me how to feel about new life. It didn’t tell me how terrified I’d…
